Cassie had arrived in San Jose and it had felt good to be home, on her own block, in her own city, it was a good feeling, but that moment of joy wouldn't last long. When she arrived at her grandmother's house, she knocked on the door, as she waited patiently, for someone to answer the door, the butterflies she had once had of her family were now back. Despite what she had just went through, she was happy to be home, she wanted to show her younger siblings how much she had missed them and give her grandmother and her mother a huge kiss on both of their cheeks.. That feeling was short lived, Tina answered the door, looking beautiful as ever, her mother was very beautiful, Cassie silently thought. "What are you doing here?" Tina snapped at Cassie " I missed you guys and I wanted to see you guy's, I ran away from that Home the system placed me in, Angie wasn't right," said Cassie, her voice trembled as she spoke, she wanted to throw herself in her mother's arm and pour out to her what she had just been through, she wanted to scream, but yet, she said nothing as her mother proceeded to walk towards the living room, where she would there pick up the tel-phone to call her probation officer Mr. Patten. " You can't be here, your going back to Juvenile hall, so you might as well sit down and wait for him to come and pick you up'" Tina said to Cassie as she took a drag of her Kool cigarette. Cassie rode in silence all the way to the Hall.
The steel door shut and locked behind Cassie, she was too familiar with the stinch of being locked up.
Cassie knew that she would not be getting any visits or letters from anyone in the mail, she'd been down this road before, and from looks of things, she was headed down that road again..
Once inside the shoe box cell, she looked out the barb wired window, that was no bigger then a hand held mirror, as she sat on the top bunk and peerd out the window of her new surroundings, until room change took place over the weekend, and then she would have a new cell window to peer out of.
She noticed a courtyard that had a basketball court in the middle of the yard, and windows just like the one she had been looking out of that went around the courtyard in a circular notion That was the boys unit of juvenile hall, you were lucky if you got a cell on the odd side of the hall, this meant that a girl could yell out of her window, from her cell, and talk to the boys that were across the courtyards in their rooms, it seemed to make the time go by faster and allowed Cassie some form of the outside world,which she had not had since returning to the Hall. Cassie found herself self indulging in food,eating was a way for her to deal with the stress that one had to endure being locked up. She found herself taking up desert collections, Very seldom did Cassie eat the food that they served, not saying the food was nasty, it was rather good, however she gained more satisfaction from barfing down all the desert she could trade her other food for. This would put an even bigger strain on Cassie, due to all the starch that they seemed to just pour into the youth's mouth that had a extended stay in the Hall, she seemed to have gained over 30 pounds since being incarcerated. The weight gain made her a easy target to be teased often, so she found herself fighting, not just with the girls in the hall,but the counselor's as well. Cassie cried every night, she prayed that the lord would send her home to her mother... she hated the Hall, the wearing of the other peoples underwear..who the fuck wants to wear the same underwear that we had to all share with one another..yea they may have washed them over and over again, but who in the fuck wants to wear the same panties another bitch had on..who knows where the fuck her pussy been, but here you have some motha fuka's in authority telling you that you have to share panties, you have to share deodorant..it was horrible for Cassie
It had now been months since her Probation Officer picked her up on a violation, Cassie had told the Medical Staff about the horrible rap when she had first came back to the hall, the Staff nurse then reported it to the Consuler's who then informed Cassie's P.O. because of the graphic nature of her assault, the judge ruled in her favor, ordering Cassie to 8 months in the hall and from there she would be released back into Tina's custody.Tina never was advised of the rape and if she was..it was never talked about.
The day had finally come for Cassie to be released home and she couldn't wait.
The extended stay in the hall blew Cassie up and her self esteem was at its all time lowest.
Now not only did she have to go through the troubles she had at home, she was now battling her weight.
For the first month everything appeared to be running smooth, she was home, she had her siblings and most of all she had Tina. Cassie loved Tina with all of her heart, and tried all that she could to gain the approval of her mother, but nothing she did seemed to ever be right in Tina's eyes. At times Cassie felt that her mother didn't love her, because she wasn't pretty enough. Cassie felt that dressing up like her mother would make her pretty just as Tina was, that didn't help. She would end up getting in trouble for taking Tina's business suits to wear to school and them throwing them in the trash at the end of the day so she wouldn't take the chance of being caught by trying to sneak them back in the house. The school ended up telling Tina that Cassie had been wearing her cloths and then trashing them at the end of the day.. Cassie got tore a new ass by Tina, and never again did she dare touch another article of clothing of her mother's..
"Get away from my kid's, your a bad apple, and I don't want your bad ways to rub off on your little brother or sister." Cassie had been singing the both of them a song she had written for them while she was in the hall, The conversation with her two younger siblings was innocent. Tina would always say that she didn't want her to inter-act with the younger ones, she said she didn't want them to turn out like she had, but Cassie was not a bad kid, she was a shy, loving, withdrawn child, who suffered much abuse, whether it was physically, mental, or verbal Cassie was abused on all three levels, which made her very withdrawn, not really knowing how to handle certain situations, nor did she know how to communicate with other's. She was jumpy all the time and found herself wanting to please everyone around her, everyone but herself..and as she got older, she became violent because that's how she learned how to deal with situations..violently.